Resources

Articles & guides

Articles and guides I'm currently reading or keep coming back to — each with a short note on what's inside. The list keeps growing.

• Relationship Anarchy Guide ↗

  The Relationship Anarchist

  An entry-level guide with several parts: core principles of relationship anarchy (rejecting interpersonal coercion, the importance of community, mutual aid as a core pillar, commitments as communication rather than contract); a critical look at the "relationship escalator" norm — the socially expected path from dating through exclusivity, moving in together, marriage and kids; its own, shorter take on the Relationship Smorgasbord with a downloadable worksheet; and a distinction between relationship anarchy and polyamory/"ethical non-monogamy".

• RBDSMA — a conversation before an intimate encounter ↗

  Katha Wirth · Sexological Bodytherapy (article in German)

  A conversation framework for talking things through before becoming intimate or sexual with someone. The acronym has "BDSM" in the middle, with an R at the start and an A at the end. The author came across the format around ISTA (International School of Temple Arts). The talk can take 10 minutes or two hours and can be picked up again at later encounters; it ends with checking whether it feels like a clear yes for everyone involved.

  R

  Relationships: What's your relationship status? Are there other partners or agreements that matter for this encounter?

  B

  Boundaries: What are your firm boundaries, no-gos and turn-offs? What makes you feel safe and able to truly consent — for example a safeword or a traffic-light system?

  D

  Desires: What do you want from this encounter? What excites you right now, and where do your wishes overlap?

  S

  Sexual Health: When were you last tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs)? Which safer-sex practices do you use, and is there anything health-related to talk about?

  M

  Meaning: What does this encounter mean to you — a one-off, something to repeat, mainly physical or emotionally deeper?

  A

  Aftercare: What do you need after being intimate? For example being held, space for yourself, talking a bit more, a message the next day — or leaving right away.

• Growing

  More links will be added once I've sorted them.